Category: Absurd

Questions: Not a political identity quiz

  1. [wet dreams] Have you ever woken in the middle of a dream and it was so interesting that you tried to go back to sleep to finish it? Where you able to?
  2. [you are beautiful] Is wanting to make out with yourself egotistical?
  3. [keys] My letter ‘p’ is sticking on my laptop keyboard. This isn’t a question but it is annoying.
  4. [twang and drawl] What does an American southern accent sound like to non-English speakers?
  5. [coy] Have you ever winked at a stranger? Have you licked your lips at a stranger?
  6. [pee play] One of your family members has an interesting fetish. Guest what it is.
  7. [eternal] If you could turn back time to Trump’s election night you’d have the power to live forever.
  8. [iodized] Have you ever tasted someone else’s tears?

Deep: Shower Thoughts

Reddit’s Shower Thoughts is a crowdsourced collection of miniature epiphanies. A few I found amusing:

Sleeping five minutes in is infinitely more valuable than going to bed five minutes early. u/Nebula-X1

Swans are loud, territorial, violent, aggressive, terrifying, and an emblem of romantic love. u/nothingweird

Word “synonym” doesn’t have a synonym, but antonym of word “antonym” is synonym. u/downpour92

Using solar panels to power an air conditioning unit is like using the sun’s power against itself. u/amagnificentbiscuit

Adulthood is when you stop expecting surprises to be good things. u/GatorMech89

Most orchestras are just 1800’s cover bands. u/basspl

A gold fish’s job is to introduce kids to dying. u/es_price

The tallest person in the world has been everyone’s height once. u/contemplative-lemon

Nobody ever sneezes or coughs in movies unless it contributes to the plot. u/edinhass

A ton of people is literally 12 to 15 people. u/cornfish pie

When you were little knowing how to snap your fingers and whistle seemed like essential skills for adulthood. u/orange_lazarus1

Drinking water while going swimming in the rain on a cruise sheep at sea is the ultimate aquatic experience. u/saylittledomuch

Two all knowing beings could never have a meaningful conversation. u/mrditz

If the human race goes extinct and our cities are buried several feet underground, museums will really fuck with alien archaeologists. u/urban_biologist

When you say nothing at all ‘forward’ or ‘back’, your lips move in those directions. u/manofproto

Eating is inappropriate in both extremely clean and really dirty places. u/counterpro0

Buying a cat to catch mice is basically like hiring an assassin. u/Kamikaze_Rabbit780

Every night, we lose consciousness and quietly and harmlessly go temporarily insane. If we don’t do this, after a few days, we actually do go insane. u/exhihiloadinfinitum

Just like the person you have a crush on doesn’t even know you exist, there’s probably someone with a crush on you that you don’t even know exist. u/smellmyweenie

Your dirty talk voice is just the voice you use when talking to your pets, but in a minor key. u/TheTrashGhost

You’ve probably seen the same pigeon twice. u/upidaboss

When you’re 30 you’ve already spent a month celebrating your birthdays. u/lolexplode

Find: Game of Shrooms

On June 15th artists worldwide will hide mushroom paintings and sculptures for you to find. To join the hunt, follow hashtags #gameofshrooms and #shroomdrop on Instagram, check out the artists in your area and follow Attaboy for updates. If you are an artist and Artists who would like to participate, explore the How To /Guidelines.

Shroom Ahoy Illustration
Shroom by Jim McKenzie
Shroom by Dave Correia
Shrooms by Attamyumfactory

Without: Context is like that part in movies where the character channel surfs in an aimless dreamlike meaningless void, except perhaps there is meaning in there somewhere. Neave streams VHS lo-fi style videos, and a mouse click or phone tap moves on to the next one with no possibility of rewind. They are weird, creepy, surreal, transitory, silly and maybe addictive. I find them most compelling without sound in a random browser tab. I do work or other browsing and hop over every now and then to see what’s weird.

Questions: Mind/body edition

  1. [funny] What happens when you tickle a clown to death?
  2. [what’s for supper?] Tabasco, strawberry and radish salad; grilled armadillo sprinkled with baked kudzu chips; honey-dipped raw jellyfish
  3. [a way to go] The Hindenburg, the Titanic, or the Challenger?
  4. [food] Where should I put this chimichanga?
  5. [sweet voices] If your breasts were filled with helium, would you permit Mike Tyson to give suck to your nipples in an effort to hear the highest sound audible to human ears?
  6. [nothing] Imagine time doesn’t exist. What would you do then?
  7. [round pound] The first shall be last, and the last shall be first. Which will you be?
  8. [Jesus H. Christ] Who’s your daddy?

Symbolic: Weasels in art

If you enjoy TripOut, the blog, The Museum of Ridiculously Interesting Things is also worth your while. In this important post they explore the use of weasels, ferrets and minks in 16th century portraits:

In the 16th century, weasels were a catch-all category for many of the furry, long-bodied carnivorous creatures in the mustelid family, such as ermine, sables, martens, ferrets, stoats and mink. These creatures often appear in Renaissance portraits of high-ranking noblewomen, and represent a fascinating language of sexual symbolism. Explore some of the hidden meanings of weasels below!

By Chelsea
Portrait of a lady (1520-25) by Bernardino Luini. Oil on panel, 770 x 575 mm. National Gallery of Art, Washington.
‘The Ermine Portrait of Elizabeth I of England (circa 1585), attributed to William Segar. Oil on canvas. Collection of Hatfield House, Hertfordshire.
‘Lady with an Ermine’ (circa 1490) by Leonardo da Vinci. Also known as ‘Portrait of Cecilia Gallerani’. Oil and tempera on wood panel, 548 x 403 mm. Collection of Czartoryski Museum, Krakow.

Identity: Photography without a face

Ben Zank is a NYC-based photographer who captures mostly-faceless subjects buried, disappearing, laying surreal in isolated nature. I hoped the artist had a shop with prints, but no such luck that I’ve found.

About the facelessness, Zank says, “Some people are really good at getting a certain emotion of people when photographing them. I’ve found that I can create the same effect without showing someone’s face. The image itself is the emotion. I have nothing against showing my face, I’ve done it before. I just don’t want it to take away from the important bit. I’ve got a pretty distracting face, you know.

I Don’t Know Anymore, 2017
Dirt, 2018
Hollow, 2016
Daily Commute, 2017

Ask: What gets really weird if you think about it too much?

A stimulating Reddit question posted five years ago by user Fuuuuunke. The entire reddit stream is here. A few of my favorite responses:

Do caterpillars know they they are going to become butterflies? Or do they just get in a cocoon thinking, what the fuck am I doing?


My bio prof recently pointed out to us that every person existed (as an egg) inside their mother while she was still developing inside her own mother’s uterus. Your first cell was created inside your grandmother, and is as old as your own mom.


Airplanes. You’re sitting in a chair, miles up in the sky, going 500mph on a gust of wind. And people complain about the food.


Trying to imagine if nothing ever existed.


If you’re currently a virgin, you’re the only virgin in long, long line of ancestors over thousands upon thousands of years. They’re all just waiting for you to continue the chain.


if you didn’t know a language how would you think?


Eating is pretty weird when you think about it. You grind up various materials to suck energy out of them and then poop them out. I think it’s weird that we eat together socially, but at the same time it’s not like we are getting together as a family to take a poop. It’s just the other side of the same process.


Roads. I can get in my car right now and go pretty much anywhere. There is an unbroken route from where my car is parked to virtually every location on this continent. And if I can’t get there by car, there are often specific places to park my car that make it as convenient as possible to get to where I want to go. We take it for granted, but it’s kind of crazy to me sometimes.


How words are spelled/look. If you look at words long enough, you begin to question why words were chosen to have that certain spelling. Or how the shapes were even formed. Or why a different letter wasn’t chosen. Or how in the hell is that word pronounced the way it is.


People stick other people’s genitals in their mouths as a sign of affection.


Sail Away: Craigslist ad for a boat

This was a Craigslist ad from 2013:

CL los angeles westside-southbay all for sale / wanted boats – by owner

27′ Sailboat – Ocean view and other benefits – $5000 (Marina Del Rey)

What does captian kurt, popeye, captain hook and tommy lee have in common? They are all bad ass people. Why? Because they were all in command of ships. You should be in command of a ship. You should buy my boat.

I can offer you the opportunity to be in command of this Catalina 27 sailing ship for about the cost of a lot of the stupid stuff you bought, buy or are thinking about buying. I present the following:

Malls & Nipple Milk
I can tell you this; the boat I am selling is less than the cost of that couch you bought at Pottery Barn* after spending 3 weeks researching it on Google**. I don’t care if your favorite mall doesn’t have a roof on it and has a theme. You should be ashamed of half of the mall things you spent hard earned cash money and time on. None of it will take you across oceans and it will not get you a buffaloes milk at Two Harbors (or a nimby cup). Not even close. Do you want your only source of alcohol laden milk to be your pregnant girlfriends nipple because I guarantee it doesn’t have 8 types of rum and 4 types of artificial sweetener in it. If it does muchacho then you should be hanging out with jcvd on a regular basis and won’t be needing this said boat. Back to your mall things.. If you add up the cost of your bed frame, mattress, headboard, box spring, stupid fancy pillows from Target, decorative duvet cover with a cool pattern from ikea and your designer pajamas it probably costs as much as I’m asking and you can have a f*$king BOAT of which can sleep 5 people and will guarantee you more bidness. You won’t find that guarantee in the bedding department at Macy’s. Note: your lame duvet made from rare dead birds is always on sale, you did not hit the Macy’s Bed Bath and Beyond jackpot and score a 300 feather count for 35% off, everyone did and just because you laughed at some actor making fun of Bed, Bath and Beyond doesn’t give you a pass for going there or not going there. And are you really spending your miniscule amount of free time on Earth counting feathers or laughing at jokes about retail stores? And by the way, if you are the type of person who covers your bed with any amount of (especially more than two) decorative pillows, please do not call about my Boat. I am not interested in selling this to a decorative pillow type which is too bad because you my friend are the type that needs this boat more than anyone.

Recreation, Drinking and Sea Monkeys
I understand you have many options on how to spend your free time. How you choose to recreate says a lot about a human being. What I am offering you is the open Pacific Ocean, fishing, going to islands, breathing salty air at sea, breathing atomic four gas powered exhaust fumes, drinking rum, drinking whiskey, drinking cheap beer, drinking expensive beer, drinking the dead sea monkeys floating in the drink that your friend backwashed, spear fishing anything that moves, endless supply of gold colored fish to make into tacos, trapping crabs, getting crabs, free membership to hbyc, a money pit, a fist pumping teeth grinding laser eating dance platform, a new kitchen, a boom that might hit you in the head, a $270 slip fee, the ability to t-bone a stand up paddle boarder, the ability to bbq a t-bone steak, the ability to bone in the v-birth, the chance to see whales, the improved chance to bring a whale out of najas and tying knots. These are fine things. These are gentlemanly things. They certainly beat sitting in car traffic towing your sand rail or three wheeler past a bunch of meth labs to glamis or driving a boat in circles in the std filled cess pool commonly referred to as “the river” or any other so called lake. Does a real man or woman want to recreate in a standing pool of “fresh water” or in a hot desert with a bunch of drunk yahoos with engines strapped to their backs?

Fast Transport
This boat travels as fast as your Audi on the 405. 6 knots at best. And you spent over $30K. Way more than a domestic car just because of the cool logo, neat ads and foreignness of it. Not to mention the way it makes you feel when you look at it after you park it. You could have got a Ford, a 3 wheeler, a sand rail and this boats for the same price. Enough said.

360 Degree Ocean View and the Mexican Navy
Always wanted an ocean view? See above description of how lucky you are. This boat comes with an ocean view of your damn choosing! Imagine a house that could do that. Those creepy realtor types would be drooling all the way to the bank. (Please no inquiries if your picture is on your business card). For the price of a ocean front strand house you could buy a boat like this every month of the year. In fact for $3,000,000 (reasonable price for a strand house) you could buy 600 boats like this. That’s more than the entire navy of Mexico. What would you do with that many boats? You could tie them together end to end and stretch them from Manhattan Beach pier to Hermosa Beach pier 1.7 times. Toss in a few more and you could have a two way sailboat highway spanning the two piers. This would be enough to move the annual 6 man party to sea and save the fun in a town loosing its charm faster than antartica is loosing glacial ice. Everyone would be happy because the kids could again dress up, beam each other with volleyballs and drink booze in the open sun on a WEEKEND. You would be the damn Kevin Bacon of the beach area. People would make movies of how you returned the joy to such an under privileged area of LA. (Math: 1.8 miles between piers = 9504′ / 27′ boat length = 352 boats required for a one way span.)

Screen World or Water World?
Each day the average person spends ?? hours staring at a computer screen, ?? watching a television screen, and ?? hours looking at a smart phone screen. (You do the math). The hope is that eventually there will be enough devices “invented” whereby 24 hours of your day is spent looking at a radiation emitting electronic display screens. These devices with clever names starting with i will range in size to span every increment of that Home Depot tape measure you never use. This will be toped by the inevitable invention of a gigantic screen that allows up to three people to be imbedded in, is only 2 microns thick, is named after a fruit and hurtles through outer space endlessly. I have good news for you my screen collecting swollen eyeball friend. This boat comes with an lcd tv screen and there is cell service all the way to Catalina Island! So you don’t have to skip the pirate dress up wine mixer because you are worried about missing all those great things happening on social media and on dvd.

Boat Includes
— 4 sails
— Atomic four engine
— Mast
— Boom
— Hull
— Rudder
— Tiller
— The book sailing for Dummies (You must have an IQ of at least 30 to learn how to sail)
— A bow with no arrows
— A bunch of life vests

Attention Doomsday Preppers
If you are a doomsday prepper then you have just hit the powerball lottery scratch off confetti falls out of the sky jackpot. Feel free to go into one of those evangelist religious on stage convulsions right now because when shit hits the fan in L.A. (and it will) do you want to be on the roof of your liqour store with a high powered riffle or in the open ocean reading moby dick with a milky rum drink in your skilled knot tieing hands?

In Summary
This boat is cheap, it gives you access to buffaloes milk, it is more fun than your current hobbies, it is fast enough, it has an ocean view, it comes with a TV, comes with everything you need and it might be helpful in case of a disaster. Most importantly it puts you in command of a ship. Go ahead break a bottle of Champagne over the bow, leave your mall things on land and grab the tiller.

$5,000 OBO / trade offers accepted


** Google = Best slot machine ever invented. Insert letters instead of coins. Output hyperlinks instead of cash. Google is paid by 3rd party XYZ business for the participants pleasure of playing this terrible slot machine for “free”. But participants pay end up paying in dead brain cells instead of cash and XYZ business trades cash for a snowflakes chance in hell of converting a mouse click to a sale. Only benefit of all this is it finally puts bad newspapers out of business.

*** If you happened to buy a mattress from that old white guy who shrieks “if you find a mattress for a lower price your mattress is free!!!” please, please, please, please don’t f$@king contact me. Did you really think that A-Hole is going to give away a free mattress if you found one for a lower price? Have you heard of anyone getting a free mattress from that damn place? How can our government allow such a thing. I will not give you my boat for free if you find one for less. In fact you will probably be more likely to sink would be my guess. And if you are the type that needs the government to protect you or wastes time complaining about the government also don’t contact me.
Location: Marina Del Rey

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

© 2013 craigslist