Category: Thoughts

Quotes: From my 3-year-old

Grey is my favorite color of the rainbow.

I like your necklace. I want to sit on it. 

Pee. Poop. Blood. Wait, is blood potty talk?

[while taking photos with a cell phone] Say cheese yoga mat. 

[holding a cow stufffed animal] Milk is coming out of my cow. But it is yellow milk. 

Me: You can’t just leave the table. You need to ask to be excused. 
Her: I asked with my body, not my mouth. 

Me: It is unsafe to slide down the railing.
Her: Not in my world, dada. 

Smell my feet. You know you want to. 

Her: Can I have a spoon of honey? 
Me: It is late. Tomorrow. 
Her. Today is tomorrow, right? Today is tomorrow from yesterday, right?

I like putting my shoe on the wrong foot. 

Al is a nice dog. Why does he hurt cows? (I explained he herds, not hurts cows)

I am not someone else. I am really really just me. 

Where is my daddy and why are you wearing his shoes?

You can do potty talk in the bathroom, or you can do a butt show. A butt show is when you run around and show everyone your butt.

What’s god, daddy?

[to my grandmother] When are you going to die?

Deep: More shower thoughts

Reddit’s Shower Thoughts is a crowdsourced collection of miniature epiphanies, and here are some recent submissions. This is part two of these posts. For part one, click here.

Since plants are alive, vegetarians value consciousness, not life. u/Polar_Beach

The number of people who are older than you can only get smaller. u/HarsherThanFiction

It’s amazing how Hollywood still perpetuates that it’s ok for women to hit/slap men and it’s funny or acceptable. u/tom_is_the_bomb

Your fingernails are naturally color-coded telling you where to cut u/fake-yam

Dirty dishes are so much grosser in cold water than in hot water. /ProperSauce

If humans were a nocturnal species instead of diurnal, we’d probably see dark as good and light as evil instead of the other way around. u/divsky

A paper cut is a trees glorious revenge u/3460jordt

We find dogs kind of simple that for years they continue to get pleasure from the simple act of chasing after and retreiving a ball, yet humans for years continue to get pleasure from the simple act of watching a dog chasing after and retrieving a ball. u/princeofropes

The more a person’s laugh doesn’t sound like a laugh, the more they’re laughing. u/HolyNovie

Maybe flies are actually your reincarnated relatives attempting to get your attention u/Nest-egg

Sloth is arguably the “best” sin to commit as it prevents you from practicing the other 6 deadly sins /Leadric

Willie Nelson is the Snoop Dog of country music. He is featured in like every other song in the genre, loves weed, and has a complicated history with the law. Hell, they even both wear pigtails! /jwcarpy

Your teacher or professor most likely copy and pasted the “No Plagiarism” clause in your class syllabus. u/imamuffin18

Being able to control volume is essential to comfort. But have you ever noticed that you only have one volume in your head? Whether you are reading something IN ALL CAPS or something that describes a peaceful moment- it’s at the same volume. Go ahead. Try to yell in your head. Now try to whisper. u/lgill423

Best way to test a ouija board it to have blind people use it. /alotofno

People who “don’t need to do drugs to have fun” would likely have way more fun on drugs. u/Red_Powerade

Being a baby must be traumatizing at times. Imagine going to sleep in your house and you wake up at Target. u/Please_Wave is seriously missing an advertising/business opportunity be not saving the Amazon. u/WiggleFriend

Needed: Public pot consumption spaces

In the early 2000s I Busabout-ed across Europe and spent brief but quality time in Amsterdam. This was in the days when magic mushrooms were sold in Dutch head shops but I was more interested in the pot cafes. They provided a public chance to meet strangers who also enjoyed exploring their head, philosophizing, laughing, discovering patterns, chilling. I’d walk in, there was often a cigar box of pre-rolls to choose from, I’d sit near other customers and enjoy the atmosphere and companionship. There was no need to pass the joint because everyone had their own. This was long before vaping displaced joints as the indoor pot vehicle of choice. There was something raw, hippyish and charming about the slow-motion speed of the cafes. After laughing and perhaps having my mind blown by whatever conversation I was privy to, I’d walk to a museum, perhaps to experience Van Gogh’s Starry Night in stoned 3d glowing liquidish form. On mushrooms I imagine Starry Night it was even more magical, but on weed it was still glorious.

Years later I moved to the Northwest, US and was infatuated with Vancouver, Canada. There was/is an aptly named cafe called the New Amsterdam, the “world famous smoke friendly cafe”. You couldn’t buy pot there, but people brought joints and bongs and sat at community tables. It was an ideal additional activity item for an evening out, somewhere between dinner, bar, club or whatever. I admit I felt like a tourist and a moocher (I didn’t have easy access to pot), but I still was captivated.

As medical pot took shape in Seattle I was privy to private vaping lounges. They had dabs for $5, volcano vapes for personal use, and a dispensary attached. At these, I found excellent music, but because they weren’t for the general public, it didn’t feel to me like as natural of a public experience. Perhaps I came at the wrong times, or perhaps they were just figuring things out.

However, as recreational marijuana was voted legal, the lounges were forced to shut down which was a shame. I want to hobnob with stoners in public but we are resigned to consuming our weed in private, away from other folks. Lounges are beginning to pop up, but not where I live.

In California, try:

In Vegas, check out:

Thinking: Too much

Reddit’s folks explore “What gets really weird if you think about it too much?” Authors of each thought are in [colons].

  • for me, it’s gotta be calling people “baby” romantically or sexually…ew. [fuuuunke]
  • Do caterpillars know they they are going to become butterflies? Or do they just get in a cocoon thinking, what the fuck am I doing? [mr3inches]
  • Ripping the skin off a creature and wearing it around. Sure it’s dried and treated with chemicals, but look closely and you can still see pores and where the skin folded. [neefvii]
  • Literally everything. For example, right now I’m pushing some buttons with abstract symbols on them on something called a keyboard, and am instantly able to transmit my own thoughts through a machine that takes them, breaks them apart into other abstract symbols, and then reassembles and transmits them in some ethereal non-physically existing thing called the internet, where anyone, anywhere, at any time can look at that same exact pattern of lines and dots and instantly understand exactly what I was thinking. [DepartmentStoreSpook]
  • Airplanes. You’re sitting in a chair, miles up in the sky, going 500mph on a gust of wind. And people complain about the food. [grumpypotato]
  • Trying to imagine if nothing ever existed. [TheresAMothHere]

Deep: Shower Thoughts

Reddit’s Shower Thoughts is a crowdsourced collection of miniature epiphanies. A few I found amusing:

Sleeping five minutes in is infinitely more valuable than going to bed five minutes early. u/Nebula-X1

Swans are loud, territorial, violent, aggressive, terrifying, and an emblem of romantic love. u/nothingweird

Word “synonym” doesn’t have a synonym, but antonym of word “antonym” is synonym. u/downpour92

Using solar panels to power an air conditioning unit is like using the sun’s power against itself. u/amagnificentbiscuit

Adulthood is when you stop expecting surprises to be good things. u/GatorMech89

Most orchestras are just 1800’s cover bands. u/basspl

A gold fish’s job is to introduce kids to dying. u/es_price

The tallest person in the world has been everyone’s height once. u/contemplative-lemon

Nobody ever sneezes or coughs in movies unless it contributes to the plot. u/edinhass

A ton of people is literally 12 to 15 people. u/cornfish pie

When you were little knowing how to snap your fingers and whistle seemed like essential skills for adulthood. u/orange_lazarus1

Drinking water while going swimming in the rain on a cruise sheep at sea is the ultimate aquatic experience. u/saylittledomuch

Two all knowing beings could never have a meaningful conversation. u/mrditz

If the human race goes extinct and our cities are buried several feet underground, museums will really fuck with alien archaeologists. u/urban_biologist

When you say nothing at all ‘forward’ or ‘back’, your lips move in those directions. u/manofproto

Eating is inappropriate in both extremely clean and really dirty places. u/counterpro0

Buying a cat to catch mice is basically like hiring an assassin. u/Kamikaze_Rabbit780

Every night, we lose consciousness and quietly and harmlessly go temporarily insane. If we don’t do this, after a few days, we actually do go insane. u/exhihiloadinfinitum

Just like the person you have a crush on doesn’t even know you exist, there’s probably someone with a crush on you that you don’t even know exist. u/smellmyweenie

Your dirty talk voice is just the voice you use when talking to your pets, but in a minor key. u/TheTrashGhost

You’ve probably seen the same pigeon twice. u/upidaboss

When you’re 30 you’ve already spent a month celebrating your birthdays. u/lolexplode

Ask: What gets really weird if you think about it too much?

A stimulating Reddit question posted five years ago by user Fuuuuunke. The entire reddit stream is here. A few of my favorite responses:

Do caterpillars know they they are going to become butterflies? Or do they just get in a cocoon thinking, what the fuck am I doing?


My bio prof recently pointed out to us that every person existed (as an egg) inside their mother while she was still developing inside her own mother’s uterus. Your first cell was created inside your grandmother, and is as old as your own mom.


Airplanes. You’re sitting in a chair, miles up in the sky, going 500mph on a gust of wind. And people complain about the food.


Trying to imagine if nothing ever existed.


If you’re currently a virgin, you’re the only virgin in long, long line of ancestors over thousands upon thousands of years. They’re all just waiting for you to continue the chain.


if you didn’t know a language how would you think?


Eating is pretty weird when you think about it. You grind up various materials to suck energy out of them and then poop them out. I think it’s weird that we eat together socially, but at the same time it’s not like we are getting together as a family to take a poop. It’s just the other side of the same process.


Roads. I can get in my car right now and go pretty much anywhere. There is an unbroken route from where my car is parked to virtually every location on this continent. And if I can’t get there by car, there are often specific places to park my car that make it as convenient as possible to get to where I want to go. We take it for granted, but it’s kind of crazy to me sometimes.


How words are spelled/look. If you look at words long enough, you begin to question why words were chosen to have that certain spelling. Or how the shapes were even formed. Or why a different letter wasn’t chosen. Or how in the hell is that word pronounced the way it is.


People stick other people’s genitals in their mouths as a sign of affection.